Three Ring Circus
Last Friday, Alexina ran to the grocery store for some ingredients for dinner, picked her two boys up from school, came home, and gave birth to a third child. I awoke the next morning to a photo of her now three gorgeous boys. Which is to say, it’s been a week since she pushed out a baby in her living room, and she still claims to be too “busy” or “tired” to work. I tried to tell her that this is America and that a week of maternity leave is already making her look weak and simple, but she still refused to contribute anything to today’s newsletter. So don’t expect anything insightful. I am a rudderless vessel.
No, the truth is, I had to convince Alexina to just focus on taking care of herself and the baby today, despite her protests. In this country, we have bad policies around the first years of life and parenthood, and our own attitudes and unrealistic expectations of ourselves run alongside them. I usually dismiss the sort of thinking that places the burden on consumers or individuals for the ills of our government or large corporations, but perhaps there is a guerilla warfare mentality that can help us if the powers that be refuse to budge. My son and I watched Yes Day last night, a movie in which the mother who keeps everything running alongside her dopey husband is branded as “no fun.” I can only think, no wonder. Maybe we can adopt a “no day” mentality, quietly refusing to get up after childbirth before our bodies are ready, or “forgetting” to wash the soccer uniform that everyone expected to be magically cleaned. (Disclaimer: I might have plagiarized this idea from like ten different sitcoms in which mom lays in bed eating Doritos all day in protest of her overburdened life.)
This is somewhat of a fantasy, of course, because we can’t exactly say no to going back to work after a pitifully short maternity leave if working is the only way to pay for things. It is not up to women to “un-opress” ourselves in the face of the patriarchy. But we can live our values to the extent that it’s possible and expect the most from our partners, co-parents, and support systems. What this means, in essence, is accepting that we are doing enough and remembering that child rearing is meant to be a collective process.
Anyway, I warned you this might not be that insightful. But at least I got to use this forum to give Alexina a thinly veiled pedantic lecture. The flip side is that it is also a display of love and support for a fellow parent. Alexina, your body made a person, and now your body is feeding that person, and if that doesn’t deserve the most divine treatment, I don’t know what does.
Happy Friday,
Emily